I Wished...
9:39 AM
Friday, December 30, 2005
depression..?
identity crisis..?
personality disorder..?
some form of mental illness..?
i dunnoe.. watever it is.. GET OVER IT ALREADY..!
argh.
i think.. i need help.
fast.
10:30 PM
Sunday, December 25, 2005
this has to be the worst 4 mths of my entire already pathetic life..
WORST..
seriously..
i realli dunwan to be right now.
i dun like me..
hell.. i dun even rem me.
pls god.. lemme be sumone else when i wake up... aneone!
dun ask me wat's wrng..
dun ask me if im okie..
cuz i dunnoe and im NOT.. respectively, period.
and i will be that way unless otherwise stated.
im not counting on that anetime soon thou.
-- argh..!!--
12:09 PM
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
im 20...
im old and ancient..
wat an appropriate time to feel the way i do now..
officially not a teenager..
but have absolutely no idea whu i am..
lost all forms of self identity.
in a daze.. everything's blurry
what i tot i knew abt myself, frens, family and life in general
all obsecured from my consiousness.
dunnoe what to believe or trust anemore.
how to i relate to anething else if i dun even noe how to relate to myself.
frens tell me this is part of growing up.
im 20.. i shld already BE GROWN UP
somehow i wished this is juz a phase..
but im terrified that its not
that things will onli get worse.
its excruciating trying to make sense of everything all over again
to get socialised w society and learn everything as if it were brand new.
familiar faces.. familiar situations.
all alien to me.
everything i worked to achieve cuz i tot that was wat mattered now seem so pointless.
its one thing to be upset and unhappy..
but wat happens when u do not even NOE what upsets u or wat makes u happy.
i absolutely do not like life now..
but i dun even noe wat i do not like abt it.
sometimes i feel that i shld be so lucky..
but mostly im juz wallowing in self pity
i noe im pathetic.. but i dunnoe why
if onli i cld see myself from sumone else's eyes..
cuz right now.. i think aneone wld noe me better than i noe myself.
-- ignorance is definitely not bliss --
9:52 PM
Friday, December 09, 2005
lost..
detached from everyting and everyone.
fergot how, dunnoe, dunwan, ...to feel
--wat's goin on--
11:37 AM
Monday, December 05, 2005
lazy lazy kim..
there's nuthing to do.. that i wanna do
there's a ton of things to do .. that i dunwanna do
im NOT enjoying the hols.. yet.
hmm.. honestly, i dunnoe whu i am.. or wat ive become.
yet its like deva ju..
some things never change.
--wat have i gotten myself into?!--
9:05 PM
Thursday, December 01, 2005
seems like everybody's juz playing games with me..
u u u and u..
im too hungover to update now..
everything's juz a blur to me..
up: exams are finally over
down: everything else in my life fer a start.
still.. pretty thankful that the mugging is over.
there're alot of things i wanna say.
too complicated for my hungover state of mind.
so weird.. i never got hangovers last time.
why now.. old already issit.
argh... headache.
too much alcohol.. too much drama.
seriously.. if u wan to play games w me.. u bloody well abide by my rules.
that's fer ALL OF U.
-- maybe i asked fer it--